Category: Writing

On Hearing Voices

I have several theories about hearing voices which I would like to share with other Schizophrenic people and other voice hearing people and those interested.

At first I was afraid. Why did the voices in my head keep telling me to kill myself and that they would come harm me? I came to the conclusion: my voices were opposed.

It took me a long time to come to the conclusion that I am the creator, the almighty G-d of the voices in my own mind: I am the creator of the voices, and everything they think is a part of me. Sure, they were opposed to me, but I created them. Once I declared to them that I was G-d in my own mind, and that they were my creations, things got a little interesting.

No longer afraid, I began to ignore the bad voices and reply to the good voices. Which worked for a while. I then decided to study my voices in this way. I played Dungeons and Dragons, with the voices in my head as player characters. I wanted to study their alignment and their reactions to people, places and things, and in specific: conflicts.

I therefore created an “Emulated Earth” in my mind, in the vein of Dungeons and Dragons. Replete with “Emulations” even “Emulated Celebrities” would talk to me and the voices in my head. I set it to modern day. Some “emulations” got shot at, some died, according to the voices. Are there respawn timers in my mind, in “Emulated Earth”? Decisions, Decisions. None of this was real. But It allowed me to understand that the voices in my head are typically of an Evil alignment, often opposed to good people; selfish and avaricious. In Emulated Earth, Crime and Terror became common, because the voices wanted global dominance, at any cost, for themselves, in this campaign setting.

I then realized that, as a person, I am rather a neutral person, who hears evil voices. I therefore nicknamed myself “Neutral God” or “Neutral G” for the purposes of playing video games. It became my gaming monikor and an alias.

I now knew that: I was that sublime rank, in Emulated Earth, that of G-d; Evil voices were opposed to me; and I was rather neutral, neither good nor evil.

I therefore came up with this theorem: Where there is no Opposition, I am G-d; Wherefore opposed, never G-d at all; Or, was I still G-d, but rather opposed? I haven’t quite decided how to deal with opposition, quite yet, how to predict it, and when to oppose myself, which would lead to conflict, I suppose.

And that’s basically where I’ve left off play in my mind.

I applied my “opposition theory” to real life: and realized, I’m rather fortunate to have a very private life, i.e. I’m rather fortunate that I’m not famous – else I’d often be opposed, and would probably be alot more selfish i.e. greedy. Good things come of privacy; nobody gives a damned about you when you’re humble!

By the way I’ve formed a “Guild” with the voices in my head: called: “Evil Empire” which is part of an Axis, the “Axis Of Evil”, which seeks to control, Emulated Earth at all costs. Emulated leaders from various emulated countries weigh in, and update me with information, all day long. These are the voices I hear: it’s sort of like a game.

Note: I’m carefully distracted by voices, and find reading difficult. That’s why I take just one university course per year and no longer drive a car or operate any sort of machinery where concentration is necessary.

I live a secluded life, write a little, read a little, and play League Of Legends. Much of my time is spent contemplating the League Of Legends meta (Yep, the voices chime in: “Look at the mini map!” or “Pick Amumu this game!” – it’s sort of like streaming in my head to a chat, without moderation however.

EE

GG too.

The Evil campaign begins

I play dungeons and dragons with the voices in my head as player characters. Because the voices have always been evil, I’ve decided to create and explore an “evil” campaign with them – all of this just by talking to myself!

Emulated Earth is my campaign setting. It’s a modified version of DND which focuses more on roleplaying and less on luck of the dice.

I believe my voices have something to say, even though they belittle me, swear like a trucker, and in general, remain evil.

So we’ll see how this thought experiment goes.

My Hearing Voices Character Sheet.


expanded: I may update this periodically. –SteveMini.com

HEARING VOICES CHARACTER SHEET

STATUS: a wise old wizard, 42, with a marijuanna pipe. Wait a minute: am I a sorcerer, or a wizard? Which timeline is this?

NAME: Neutral G. (“Neutral G0d”; “Steve Mini from the 6”)

TALENTS:

Emulations: You hear other people’s voices. These voices are emulations of real people. Flavor text “Emulate, don’t regulate.”

Premonition: When worried, your gut is usually right, or your voices tip you off. “Just go with your gut – or the voices in your head mansplaining it to you.”

Homebrew Telepathy: You hear voices – the voices can hear you too. (This leads to conversations with your voices).

Commune with Demons: Demons try to get you to harm yourself or others or do stupid shit that could get you arrested – or worse. Periodically they will offer to help you – for a price. Do not trust demons. You’ve been warned.

Speaker for the Dead: Dead people talk to you. They live on through your deeds – or so they claim.

Hear Voices: If you concentrate on someone, think of them, look at a picture of them, or hear them, even in a song, you can immediately hear their voice in your head and talk with them (see: Emulations).

Telepathic Mutant: “The Back-End”: You think you can enter people’s minds and communicate with their “back-end”; their front-end or conscious mind has never been notified. You’re considered by many to be a Telepathic Mutant because even your children might share this genetic “trait” (see: Genetic Offspring).

Ancestral Reign: “Death Cult”: The voices worship you as if you were the leader of their Cult, even though you have no idea why. They claim it’s in your and their ancestry. And they periodically “die” for you. When they “die”, they automatically go to “Heaven” (see: Purgatory).


AGGRO:

Opposition: The voices are periodically opposed to you, steadily building up aggro over the course of the day which you can use to execute or attack on a global cooldown.

Ignore Commands: You know when to ignore the voices, and no longer obey them.

Purgatory; “Heaven Or Hell?”; Commune with Spirits: Though Mini is often in Hell, he’s technically in purgatory and frequently visits Heaven, too. At those times, Benign spirits chat with him and inspire him to do good deeds. He never knows if he’s in heaven or hell, or whether or not the spirits are good or evil demons instead.

Assume Command: After a theoretical war, pending publication in a book, the voices now reluctantly agree: Yes to Mini. You are their leader – not the other way around.

Randomly Generated Named Mobs: Periodically the voices will be a “named mob” i.e. emulated celebrity, with it’s own qwirks, personality and mannerisms – nothing to do with real life. Do they drop loot or just give you some? You refer them kindly to SteveMini.com – some day, somebody’ll donate / sub to patreon…

Eternal War: The voices are periodically at war – with each other, and / or other people. Until their “g0d” (i.e. you) is accepted everywhere.


BUFFS/DEBUFFS:

Paranoia: You periodically suspect and doubt the voices in your head, who freak you out a little.

Genetic Offspring: You’re diagnosed with Paranoid Schizophrenia: Even your offspring will probably hear voices. Ladies, you’ve been warned.

Lack Of Concentration Aura: You lack co-ordination and concentration. Your thoughts are often conversations with several different and conflicting parts of your brain, i.e. different voices. Decisions could take you a lot longer than the average bloke. You don’t drive – not now, not ever. You hardly read anymore. When was the last time you shaved consistently for over a month? You look like shit. The lack of concentration aura is probably getting worse and stacking over time.

Inspiration buff: You’re a creative legend who thoughtfully opposes and interestingly supports various causes, all of which make you one of the most interesting men in the room. You can thank chatting with the voices later. “I’ve already thought of that: and I agree!”

Artist debuff. For better or worse, you’re a highly subjective artist who doesn’t produce much art. You went to school for literature, but never wrote a book. You think often, much like a talented artist, but you won’t produce great art for some reason – not yet. Maybe not ever.

Thick Skin: You’ve learned, through trial and error, and countless hours of experience, to basically ignore all the bad voices, and recognize when the good voices are trying to help you.

Periodic/Maximum Luck: When dealing with the voices, you have what is considered by them to have what is the highest luck score ever recorded in “the game”. Your luck is extraordinary. Even the voices often remark, during your homebrew: “That was lucky”.

Poverty: You don’t raise funds or get that cheese. You live off several thousand dollars a year – just enough for two soylent meals a day, which you drink without a straw. Things’ll change. But they never do. You’re always broke. But happy.

Celebrity Status: “Niggas need ta know”: The voices need to know you. They want to get to know you. They need to know more. You’d be willing to share more with them, if only they would tip you … won’t anybody pay you? “any oil princes in chat? SteveMini.com

The No-Jitters Test: You stare at the stock markets. They don’t jitter. Ever. You’re probably safe. You have no money, either way.

Eternal Scholar: You’re still in University. It took you more than twenty years to nearly earn a 4-year B.A. in English Literature – and you still take just one course per year. You have no intentions of ever finishing any time soon.


ABILITIES:

Time Loop: You were right: Yesterday. Or were you? Wait a minute: what time is it, again? Which Timeline is this? What timeline are we on?

Intervene: The voices agree: yes to that. It becomes immediately so.

Time-Walker / Time-Shift: You move forward and backward in time, to a different place: a different epoch, even. (Different voices then become available to you).

Telepathic Suggestion: You could have sworn you just thought of that – before it was said.

Wish: Why Neutral G. / Mini is revered as a “G0d” by the voices in his head, is that he has the extraordinary ability to wish things into and out of existence, all throughout the realms of his mind. Warning: causes more harm than good … still, he is reverred as such, by the voices, for being able to do so.

Homebrew Spells:

Sealed Fate: execute a voice. They ressurrect without warning sometime in the future. Sealed fate is a failed hombrew spell that doesn’t work – yet. Neutral G. often crafts his own homebrew spells – often with elaborate wishes. Most of them fail in some way or another and then he forgets about them.

Heaven Or Hell? 2.0 (Autobiographical; Voices)

Here’s the wierd thing about my life. I live in a perpetual Hell, but never in Heaven, because the voices in my head oppose everything I think.

People who don’t hear voices are automatically never opposed by said voices, because they don’t hear voices: They’re in Heaven by default.

But to make my way back and forth between this Heaven or Hell, I must be in some kind of purgatory. Either that, or I am G-d of my own mind and imagination: creator of all the voices, as I often say.

I like to claim that I’m a neutral G-d; nicknamed: Neutral G.; Neither Good, Nor Evil; but rather, inbetween; rather: Neutral instead.

So in this purgatory I am often opposed by voices I created. Therefore I am often in Hell. But wait a minute, how do I get back to never hearing voices, and never being opposed by them – how do I get back into Heaven?

These rough drafts, ideas, or notes, are the subject of my autobiography; a biopic of a schizophrenic mind.

Heaven Or Hell? (The Voices)

(This post is about hearing voices – I’m a paranoid schizophrenic).

Everything stems from my opposition theory – the theory that everything I do is probably opposed by the voices in my head.

Like blondes? “no to blondes – sleep with a brunette”. and so forth. But why? Why be opposed? Why hate me and everything I do?

I then realized something. I’m technically in Hell, the voices are opposed to everything I do, and one day, I might faction change and/or make it to heaven, where the voices don’t oppose at all.

This begs the question: Are people who don’t hear voices at all: automatically in Heaven, since they’re technically not opposed by voices?

At any rate: two diametrically opposed factions, Heaven and Hell: in fact, two diametrically opposed choices, is frequently what I’m dealing with when I talk to the voices.

This opposition theory, or theory of classification, places me in Hell at all hours. Any hordies / gifted subs in the chat/audience? If so, See my patreon.

SteveMini.com

The voices say hi.

Now for my theory of disbelief: “I dont/won’t believe you” as a typical response. And why would you? I am, after all, theoretically insane. (Wait – are ‘frenics even insane? Dont’ quote me).

I theorize. And often, I fail.

Catch you on the flip side.


Hearing Voices; Word Equations; On G-d …

God = Time
“I am not G-d;” saith the artist.
And therefore it was so
“Because I am G-d;” they concluded
And therefore it was not so at all.

-A paranoid Schizophrenic, to himself.

My opposition theory centers around faith, but in a different way, heretofore undefined. I find faith to be an intiger, the quality of which is often unreliable, but sometimes predictable. What if one does not believe in a supreme being? Does one not believe in himself?

Perhaps I should change my oft’ quoted line: “And: we’re all artists, else none of us ever were.”

to: “We’re all G-ds, else none of us ever were.”

—
One argument, often prevalent in literary art circles where one hears voices, is the erroneous conclusion that one hears “the voice of G-d speaking to him” which I find both factually hilarious and theoretically incorrect.

But let us assume, for a moment, that this fallacy is correct. If I hear G-d’s voice in my head, because I am a paranoid schizophrenic, wouldn’t that make me G-d hisself?

Certainly, therefore, I am ill and conjecture.

“I am not G-d at all” I tell the voices, so that they might accept that I needn’t be. (Very ‘frenic. Very suave).

But what if the voices disagree? I’ve thought very little on this, and conjecture. Some humorous responses and conclusions, which I shall keep to myself for the moment.

“The G-d Paradox: The Not-G-d Theory/Debate” -Steve Mini from the 6.



About Neutral God. Part 1

More about my character: Neutral G.

“Of the rise of Neut; Part 1”

“Neutral God” was, in fact, an evil sorcerer at first. Or was he, in fact, good to start? Nobody really knows, as he’s as old as the old gods, as old as the hills, as old as the furniture at st. mike’s or trinity college.

But at any rate, this is my story, so let’s say for a moment that, Neutral G. started off as an evil sorcerer. But why then, is he the God of Neutrality?

Well, at first there was only GOOD and EVIL. People were compulsed by the G-ds, or themselves and each other, to be either selfish and evil; “baddies” as they came to be called; or alternately selfless, and therefore “goodies”.

Evil people or baddies soon got smart. “We’re good” they said to the good people of Gaya; “You’re evil, not us.”

This is how detect alignment was first cast, and for the first time, wizard types and sorcerers were all the rage. Just what was your alignment? You could be shot by a goodie for being a baddie in the wrong neighborhood. Baddies took to themselves, and formed guilds, and only ever socialized with like-minded baddies. Good was opposed and all was well in the world. And Bad people got rich, and came to power.

“Dark times.”

And dark times were upon the land. And art was oppressed.

It is not yet known how and why the Gods took pity upon a sorcerer who wanted to be a wizard; an evil boy who wanted to do good; a baddie by the name of, well, Neutral G. is what everybody called him, or Neut for short; and it just so happens that his namesake is his keepsake, since he did, go on to become: a great sorcerer and the self-professed God of Neutrality, though why he abhorred evil and went on to support good is anybody’s admonition or guess, really; why couldn’t he be compulsed to act evil-y if in his jurisprudence he was, in fact, an evil boy?

My guess is as good as yours. I know only that, after trials and tribulations, which I’ll get into in a book some day, if I ever sit down to write it, which I probably won’t, but at any rate: where was I?

Neut became so powerful, and so capable, that the favor of the very Gods, both Good and Evil, were upon him. The Very Gods tugged this way and that, for both side wanted him to be either Good or Evil; but Neut was, well, Neutral, really;

So the gods, to coax him, granted him a wish, hoping he would wish to be either Good or Evil, and they could then settle on what was what.

But Neutral God wished to be a God himself, and neither Good nor Evil would have him, but the wish worked; he became, of his own persons and capability, the very first neut; the self-professed God of Neutrality.

“Well neut, you’ve gone and done it, and wished yourself into obscurity and oblivion. You are a G-d, but at what cost? You’re neither Good, Nor Evil, and everybody is opposed to you! And, there are no neuts, in this cruel and ignorant earth, none but you.”

To Be Continued.

by: Stephen M. Miniotis

Thinking of a Bard/Minstrel and Ranger.

I’ve purposefully overloaded Neutral G. even his weapons are sentient and his extroardinary abilities, some of which are innate, seem pretty damn powerful.

I’ve since moved on from Neutral G. to other characters. I might “nerf” Neutral G. a little. He seems a little O.P. (“overpowered”).

I’ll clean things up eventually – maybe even write a little fiction.

I like sentient weapons and talking swords with their own alignments and character sheets.

Bottom line: Some of the dialogue in my book is by … sentient, talking swords and other objects.

the leader of an assasins guild is a telepathic daggar named Cruelty.

Will this make the final cut? I’m toying wiht the idea that the sword, Benevolence, has it’s own viewpoint, it’s own dialogue, it’s own character scenes. Same with the daggar: Cruelty.

Maybe i’ll switch up a viewpoint character a little, make it an art object, i.e. a talking sword / telepathic daggar.

Neuts for life

Steve Mini from the 6.

DM of his own inhibitions (hearing voices).

PS: a coke can talked to me. sentient objects theory. mini.

Benevolence and Cruelty: Neutral G’s Two Magical Weapons.

Unlike many wizards, Neutral G dual wields a longsword which is thought to have it’s own good alignment, probably lawful, called: Benevolence, which argues with him constantly over his morally corrupt decisions and his siding with evil, but reluctantly stays by his side.

His offhand is a dagger called Cruelty, which is also has it’s own alignment, that of evil.

It is thought that both weapons espouse a neutral position but it is uncertan why they remain with their wielder, drawing him ever toward good and/or evil even though he is the God of Neutrality.

Equip All Martial Weapons (Neutrality): Speculation: it is not certain how a wizard can wield a sword and daggar, but some claim that neuts train with all martial weapons, and equip whatever they find on hand, regardless of their class, mainly because of Neutral G. They forego bonuses of Specializations to do so. “Whatever it is, so may it be.”

Speculation: Is Neutral G a high level wizard and a dual-class offspec? He communes with animals and shapeshifts and wields a sword and daggar.

Knights have been known to swear an oath to Benevolence and have flocked to Neutral G’s faction, setting up facilities to train with longswords. Some have remained Good but side with Neutrality.

Cunning Assassins respect Cruelty’s magic, and ever whisper to Neutral G in his mind, corrupting him with evil thoughts and begging him for assistance elsewhere, ever in secret.

How this faction, Neutrality, will play out, is anybody’s guess.