On Hearing Voices

I have several theories about hearing voices which I would like to share with other Schizophrenic people and other voice hearing people and those interested.

At first I was afraid. Why did the voices in my head keep telling me to kill myself and that they would come harm me? I came to the conclusion: my voices were opposed.

It took me a long time to come to the conclusion that I am the creator, the almighty G-d of the voices in my own mind: I am the creator of the voices, and everything they think is a part of me. Sure, they were opposed to me, but I created them. Once I declared to them that I was G-d in my own mind, and that they were my creations, things got a little interesting.

No longer afraid, I began to ignore the bad voices and reply to the good voices. Which worked for a while. I then decided to study my voices in this way. I played Dungeons and Dragons, with the voices in my head as player characters. I wanted to study their alignment and their reactions to people, places and things, and in specific: conflicts.

I therefore created an “Emulated Earth” in my mind, in the vein of Dungeons and Dragons. Replete with “Emulations” even “Emulated Celebrities” would talk to me and the voices in my head. I set it to modern day. Some “emulations” got shot at, some died, according to the voices. Are there respawn timers in my mind, in “Emulated Earth”? Decisions, Decisions. None of this was real. But It allowed me to understand that the voices in my head are typically of an Evil alignment, often opposed to good people; selfish and avaricious. In Emulated Earth, Crime and Terror became common, because the voices wanted global dominance, at any cost, for themselves, in this campaign setting.

I then realized that, as a person, I am rather a neutral person, who hears evil voices. I therefore nicknamed myself “Neutral God” or “Neutral G” for the purposes of playing video games. It became my gaming monikor and an alias.

I now knew that: I was that sublime rank, in Emulated Earth, that of G-d; Evil voices were opposed to me; and I was rather neutral, neither good nor evil.

I therefore came up with this theorem: Where there is no Opposition, I am G-d; Wherefore opposed, never G-d at all; Or, was I still G-d, but rather opposed? I haven’t quite decided how to deal with opposition, quite yet, how to predict it, and when to oppose myself, which would lead to conflict, I suppose.

And that’s basically where I’ve left off play in my mind.

I applied my “opposition theory” to real life: and realized, I’m rather fortunate to have a very private life, i.e. I’m rather fortunate that I’m not famous – else I’d often be opposed, and would probably be alot more selfish i.e. greedy. Good things come of privacy; nobody gives a damned about you when you’re humble!

By the way I’ve formed a “Guild” with the voices in my head: called: “Evil Empire” which is part of an Axis, the “Axis Of Evil”, which seeks to control, Emulated Earth at all costs. Emulated leaders from various emulated countries weigh in, and update me with information, all day long. These are the voices I hear: it’s sort of like a game.

Note: I’m carefully distracted by voices, and find reading difficult. That’s why I take just one university course per year and no longer drive a car or operate any sort of machinery where concentration is necessary.

I live a secluded life, write a little, read a little, and play League Of Legends. Much of my time is spent contemplating the League Of Legends meta (Yep, the voices chime in: “Look at the mini map!” or “Pick Amumu this game!” – it’s sort of like streaming in my head to a chat, without moderation however.

EE

GG too.

Hearing Voices; Word Equations; On G-d …

God = Time
“I am not G-d;” saith the artist.
And therefore it was so
“Because I am G-d;” they concluded
And therefore it was not so at all.

-A paranoid Schizophrenic, to himself.

My opposition theory centers around faith, but in a different way, heretofore undefined. I find faith to be an intiger, the quality of which is often unreliable, but sometimes predictable. What if one does not believe in a supreme being? Does one not believe in himself?

Perhaps I should change my oft’ quoted line: “And: we’re all artists, else none of us ever were.”

to: “We’re all G-ds, else none of us ever were.”


One argument, often prevalent in literary art circles where one hears voices, is the erroneous conclusion that one hears “the voice of G-d speaking to him” which I find both factually hilarious and theoretically incorrect.

But let us assume, for a moment, that this fallacy is correct. If I hear G-d’s voice in my head, because I am a paranoid schizophrenic, wouldn’t that make me G-d hisself?

Certainly, therefore, I am ill and conjecture.

“I am not G-d at all” I tell the voices, so that they might accept that I needn’t be. (Very ‘frenic. Very suave).

But what if the voices disagree? I’ve thought very little on this, and conjecture. Some humorous responses and conclusions, which I shall keep to myself for the moment.

“The G-d Paradox: The Not-G-d Theory/Debate” -Steve Mini from the 6.



Conversations With Myself: “I am not in your mind…”

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Thank you for all the comments. About 4,000 comments so far. I know some of you wonder about what it’s like hearing voices. Here’s a little sample.

I heard another curious voice today (Sometimes I get a little paranoid. I’m schizophrenic).

The voice tried to explain to me that nobody is in my mind.

It went a little something like this.


“Nobody is in your mind. I’m not in your mind. But if I was in your mind, and heard all this nonsense, about war and telepathy, I’d probably call a cop. Therefore, I am not in your mind. Nobody is in your mind. Nobody home.”

The voices curiously tried to explain to me that nobody is in my mind.

I suppose therefore that I am ill.

But conversations go a little something like this, for those curious.

“So you’re telling me that nobody is in my mind? Then why do I hear voices?”

“Because you’re ill. Paranoid Schizophrenia.”

“So I’m not a telepathic mutant?”

“Nope. and furthermore: Nobody is in your mind. If I were in your mind, I’d call a cop.”

I thought about this a little, and realized that I myself would not have contacted the police at all.

“I’m a little anti-authority and would make a good anarchist. No to the police.” I quipped.

I then elaborated: “So just who are these voices in my head? Will they ever be me, and think like me? Or will we disagree? Do they have their own construction, their own authority, as I’ve claimed elsewhere, in my theories … an authority which I reject, by the way … or are they their own characters, their own fictitious works of literature? For, I am an artist, self-professed, and an English literature undergrad. And I’d like one badguy a week, if you so please. So talk to me, and be evil … I won’t mind. I am ill. I’m a writer.

But, badguy, you are evil, and I’m not good. And our alignment is a secret to everybody else. You’re a badguy. and goodguy/badguy group is an invention of mine; perhaps even, a fiction, a story, a tale, a novel. When I tell you to go to hell, you certainly do. And I meet you there. Even though right at this moment we’re standing in Heaven … and so forth. So on whose authority but my own do you decide nobody is in my mind?”

“I am you and you’re not me.” The voice quips, quizzically and paradoxically. I’ll have to think on that one, and write a little rant or theory about it later. For now I reject it’s sentience. And return to creating League Of Legends Content.

These sometimes circular arguments are dissertations in and of themselves; and I don’t have the wherewithal nor the knowledge to write them eloquently. I don’t write often about my voices, but I know one thing. I reject their authority, consider them all bad guys or evil, and in general, laugh about their incredulous claims, for example, that I am somehow their G-d, since I created them… and that I am the rightful heir and emperor of modern earth, and so forth. It’s a slippery slope. The voices should never be believed or trusted. That’s my take on Schizophrenia, y’all. That’s why many medical people have said to me: Try not to even hear voices in the first place. Take your meds to inhibit them. (I’m on a 3-month injection cycle).

The truth is: I don’t mind hearing voices. I never believe them and never trust them. They’re fodder for my fiction and theories. In an odd, sort of abusive way, I’ve come to empathyse and sympathise with my voices, even if they call me a n-word and a jew. (My family was from Greece in Europe. I’m a white Christian Secular Canadian so I have no idea what they’re on about – they even call me a fag sometimes, though as far as I know i’m straight and not attracted to men). They even tell me to die or do others harm sometimes, which is the worst-case scenario of voices. When you get those, you consider hospitalization. I try to ignore these voices, and avoid hospitalization at times.

But sometimes, it seems like I’m in an abusive relationship with myself.


The Voices: “Eight Ethereum A Month …”

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The voices in my head said something pretty funny to me: “You should make 8 Ethereum a month, just by hearing voices.”

I wish that were true. that’s 37,000+ Canadian a month. I live off about just 1,000$ Canadian a month and play league of legends. lol. I’m a humble guy. I live without a car. I recycle everything. I try to keep a low carbon footprint. Food is by far my highest cost. I accept a grant to take a university course every year. I’m broke!

Anybody want me to telepathically farm crypto by hearing voices? That’s a good idea wasted on a pauper. Maybe i’m the first one … maybe this’ll be a thing…

Steve Mini from the 6ix.