I play dungeons and dragons with the voices in my head as player characters. Because the voices have always been evil, I’ve decided to create and explore an “evil” campaign with them – all of this just by talking to myself!
Emulated Earth is my campaign setting. It’s a modified version of DND which focuses more on roleplaying and less on luck of the dice.
I believe my voices have something to say, even though they belittle me, swear like a trucker, and in general, remain evil.
So we’ll see how this thought experiment goes.
Category: Biographical
My Hearing Voices Character Sheet.
expanded: I may update this periodically. –SteveMini.com
HEARING VOICES CHARACTER SHEET
STATUS: a wise old wizard, 42, with a marijuanna pipe. Wait a minute: am I a sorcerer, or a wizard? Which timeline is this?
NAME: Neutral G. (“Neutral G0d”; “Steve Mini from the 6”)
TALENTS:
Emulations: You hear other people’s voices. These voices are emulations of real people. Flavor text “Emulate, don’t regulate.”
Premonition: When worried, your gut is usually right, or your voices tip you off. “Just go with your gut – or the voices in your head mansplaining it to you.”
Homebrew Telepathy: You hear voices – the voices can hear you too. (This leads to conversations with your voices).
Commune with Demons: Demons try to get you to harm yourself or others or do stupid shit that could get you arrested – or worse. Periodically they will offer to help you – for a price. Do not trust demons. You’ve been warned.
Speaker for the Dead: Dead people talk to you. They live on through your deeds – or so they claim.
Hear Voices: If you concentrate on someone, think of them, look at a picture of them, or hear them, even in a song, you can immediately hear their voice in your head and talk with them (see: Emulations).
Telepathic Mutant: “The Back-End”: You think you can enter people’s minds and communicate with their “back-end”; their front-end or conscious mind has never been notified. You’re considered by many to be a Telepathic Mutant because even your children might share this genetic “trait” (see: Genetic Offspring).
Ancestral Reign: “Death Cult”: The voices worship you as if you were the leader of their Cult, even though you have no idea why. They claim it’s in your and their ancestry. And they periodically “die” for you. When they “die”, they automatically go to “Heaven” (see: Purgatory).
AGGRO:
Opposition: The voices are periodically opposed to you, steadily building up aggro over the course of the day which you can use to execute or attack on a global cooldown.
Ignore Commands: You know when to ignore the voices, and no longer obey them.
Purgatory; “Heaven Or Hell?”; Commune with Spirits: Though Mini is often in Hell, he’s technically in purgatory and frequently visits Heaven, too. At those times, Benign spirits chat with him and inspire him to do good deeds. He never knows if he’s in heaven or hell, or whether or not the spirits are good or evil demons instead.
Assume Command: After a theoretical war, pending publication in a book, the voices now reluctantly agree: Yes to Mini. You are their leader – not the other way around.
Randomly Generated Named Mobs: Periodically the voices will be a “named mob” i.e. emulated celebrity, with it’s own qwirks, personality and mannerisms – nothing to do with real life. Do they drop loot or just give you some? You refer them kindly to SteveMini.com – some day, somebody’ll donate / sub to patreon…
Eternal War: The voices are periodically at war – with each other, and / or other people. Until their “g0d” (i.e. you) is accepted everywhere.
BUFFS/DEBUFFS:
Paranoia: You periodically suspect and doubt the voices in your head, who freak you out a little.
Genetic Offspring: You’re diagnosed with Paranoid Schizophrenia: Even your offspring will probably hear voices. Ladies, you’ve been warned.
Lack Of Concentration Aura: You lack co-ordination and concentration. Your thoughts are often conversations with several different and conflicting parts of your brain, i.e. different voices. Decisions could take you a lot longer than the average bloke. You don’t drive – not now, not ever. You hardly read anymore. When was the last time you shaved consistently for over a month? You look like shit. The lack of concentration aura is probably getting worse and stacking over time.
Inspiration buff: You’re a creative legend who thoughtfully opposes and interestingly supports various causes, all of which make you one of the most interesting men in the room. You can thank chatting with the voices later. “I’ve already thought of that: and I agree!”
Artist debuff. For better or worse, you’re a highly subjective artist who doesn’t produce much art. You went to school for literature, but never wrote a book. You think often, much like a talented artist, but you won’t produce great art for some reason – not yet. Maybe not ever.
Thick Skin: You’ve learned, through trial and error, and countless hours of experience, to basically ignore all the bad voices, and recognize when the good voices are trying to help you.
Periodic/Maximum Luck: When dealing with the voices, you have what is considered by them to have what is the highest luck score ever recorded in “the game”. Your luck is extraordinary. Even the voices often remark, during your homebrew: “That was lucky”.
Poverty: You don’t raise funds or get that cheese. You live off several thousand dollars a year – just enough for two soylent meals a day, which you drink without a straw. Things’ll change. But they never do. You’re always broke. But happy.
Celebrity Status: “Niggas need ta know”: The voices need to know you. They want to get to know you. They need to know more. You’d be willing to share more with them, if only they would tip you … won’t anybody pay you? “any oil princes in chat? SteveMini.com
The No-Jitters Test: You stare at the stock markets. They don’t jitter. Ever. You’re probably safe. You have no money, either way.
Eternal Scholar: You’re still in University. It took you more than twenty years to nearly earn a 4-year B.A. in English Literature – and you still take just one course per year. You have no intentions of ever finishing any time soon.
ABILITIES:
Time Loop: You were right: Yesterday. Or were you? Wait a minute: what time is it, again? Which Timeline is this? What timeline are we on?
Intervene: The voices agree: yes to that. It becomes immediately so.
Time-Walker / Time-Shift: You move forward and backward in time, to a different place: a different epoch, even. (Different voices then become available to you).
Telepathic Suggestion: You could have sworn you just thought of that – before it was said.
Wish: Why Neutral G. / Mini is revered as a “G0d” by the voices in his head, is that he has the extraordinary ability to wish things into and out of existence, all throughout the realms of his mind. Warning: causes more harm than good … still, he is reverred as such, by the voices, for being able to do so.
Homebrew Spells:
Sealed Fate: execute a voice. They ressurrect without warning sometime in the future. Sealed fate is a failed hombrew spell that doesn’t work – yet. Neutral G. often crafts his own homebrew spells – often with elaborate wishes. Most of them fail in some way or another and then he forgets about them.
Heaven Or Hell? (The Voices)
(This post is about hearing voices – I’m a paranoid schizophrenic).
Everything stems from my opposition theory – the theory that everything I do is probably opposed by the voices in my head.
Like blondes? “no to blondes – sleep with a brunette”. and so forth. But why? Why be opposed? Why hate me and everything I do?
I then realized something. I’m technically in Hell, the voices are opposed to everything I do, and one day, I might faction change and/or make it to heaven, where the voices don’t oppose at all.
This begs the question: Are people who don’t hear voices at all: automatically in Heaven, since they’re technically not opposed by voices?
At any rate: two diametrically opposed factions, Heaven and Hell: in fact, two diametrically opposed choices, is frequently what I’m dealing with when I talk to the voices.
This opposition theory, or theory of classification, places me in Hell at all hours. Any hordies / gifted subs in the chat/audience? If so, See my patreon.
SteveMini.com
The voices say hi.
Now for my theory of disbelief: “I dont/won’t believe you” as a typical response. And why would you? I am, after all, theoretically insane. (Wait – are ‘frenics even insane? Dont’ quote me).
I theorize. And often, I fail.
Catch you on the flip side.
Hearing Voices; Word Equations; On G-d …
God = Time
“I am not G-d;” saith the artist.
And therefore it was so
“Because I am G-d;” they concluded
And therefore it was not so at all.
-A paranoid Schizophrenic, to himself.
My opposition theory centers around faith, but in a different way, heretofore undefined. I find faith to be an intiger, the quality of which is often unreliable, but sometimes predictable. What if one does not believe in a supreme being? Does one not believe in himself?
Perhaps I should change my oft’ quoted line: “And: we’re all artists, else none of us ever were.”
to: “We’re all G-ds, else none of us ever were.”
—
One argument, often prevalent in literary art circles where one hears voices, is the erroneous conclusion that one hears “the voice of G-d speaking to him” which I find both factually hilarious and theoretically incorrect.
But let us assume, for a moment, that this fallacy is correct. If I hear G-d’s voice in my head, because I am a paranoid schizophrenic, wouldn’t that make me G-d hisself?
Certainly, therefore, I am ill and conjecture.
“I am not G-d at all” I tell the voices, so that they might accept that I needn’t be. (Very ‘frenic. Very suave).
But what if the voices disagree? I’ve thought very little on this, and conjecture. Some humorous responses and conclusions, which I shall keep to myself for the moment.
“The G-d Paradox: The Not-G-d Theory/Debate” -Steve Mini from the 6.
Proud to be a freemason, of sorts … but upset about one thing:
While I was an undergrad in university, I joined a fraternity. I pledged and was initiated. I was always keenly interested in what some erroneously call “secret societies”; it was only natural that one day, I’d want to become a freemason.
I respect that I was raised to the “sublime” degree of Master Mason and fully initiated; Freemasons hold that the third degree is the highest one can be bestowed upon, and the rest are just extrapolations therein. I’m fine with that alternative; I’ve never joined the Scottish Rite all the way to the 32nd degree!
Respect all my bretheren and the work. But what bothered me was the question I was asked, before becoming a freemason. In fact, I was carefully instructed that, if I didn’t believe in a supreme being, that I could never be a freemason.
Do I believe in G-d? That question, I find extremely personal, and not one I can readily answer with a “yes” or “no”. But the way my brethren formulated the question: something along the lines of “A Grand Architect Of The Universe” it was difficult to oppose and I readily accepted that something – anything – must be the creator of our known galaxies and universe.
Brethren, now that I am getting on in age, I am no longer active in the freemason’s lodge which initiated me, because I need to stay at home to caregive for an elderly stroke victim. I now know myself as agnostic, and was wondering, if and when I’m done caregiving some day, and want to rejoin lodge; will I still be considered a freemason if I’m agnostic? What if I don’t believe in a supreme being at all? I suppose that I MIGHT believe in a Supreme being, and that this is enough to attend.
However, this “question”, my brethren, has long kept me from attending lodge and even joining the scottish or york rite. To complicate things: In the York Rite you have to be Christian, according to the rules. I dont’ mind that, having been born into Orthodox Christianity; But what if I was jewish or something else? The response I’ve heard? “Of the two appendant bodies, the Scottish Rite is open to all, join that instead.” huh?
Brethren, this is an open letter online. Let us do away with such questions. I know Freemasony is an ancient craft. Let it be open to all, regardless of their beliefs.
As I once wrote:
“Neither politics, history or religion hath any bearing upon my soul …”
Steve Mini from the 6.
Former member of a Toronto Blue Lodge (not in good standing currently; I don’t get to lodge anymore, for personal reasons (caregiver to an old man keeps me home)).
Update: Why I never publish, really …
I joked somewhere that I’d write myself: “An Apology for Christendom (An apology on behalf of Christ)” and found “apologetics”; Because I am ever-gravitating towards atheism or agnosticism, regardless of my Orthodox Christian upbringing. I have several theories, where I postulate that God = Time, and come to several, humorous I would hope, conclusions, especially as pertains to hearing voices, i.e. “G-d”. Ask me for my writings if you’re interested. I’m a diagnosed Paranoid Schizophrenic. I don’t really fuck with G-d that much, and never publish – maybe posthumously – for I do not want to stir drama, backlash, and controversy. I’ve seen people persecuted for far less than a humorous quip; 85% of the world remains in the shackles of organized religion, according to Google. Last thing I need is death threats because I “blasphemed against G-d”. What epoch are we living in? Thankfully Canadian.
That having been said, choice morsels might be made available on the blog. I don’t really care too much about publishing books, and live comfortably below the poverty line already. Nobody’ll buy the buggers. I’m far better off blogging, though I fear the old ‘cut and paste’ that would inevitably see my work published elsewhere, without consent, and would hate to tell people ‘please take this down and credit the artist: me’. I know it’ll happen that way. People are horrible man. That’s why I live a life of seclusion, away from controversy and without publications. These days I’m a caregiver who rarely leaves his home, I care for my retired mother and her stroke victim of a husband, who needs my constant daily attentions, 7 days a week.
In the evenings and night-time I have time to think and write – all I could ask for, really – but never publish – and these days, seldom record my excellent and rather humorous conversations with myself – (I hear voices and converse with myself often).
I might leave no writings behind; perhaps for me writing is a personal experience.
On the other hand, I might publish on the blog or elsewhere online. So we’ll have to see!
“All art is art without form and void, like the sea;
We are the ones who give things shape, and form!”
“Neither politics, history or religion hath any bearing upon my soul;
For, I am an artist, and: we’re all artists, else none of us ever were.”
Stephen M. Miniotis;
“Steve Mini from the 6”.