people in the bottom 1% (IRON ELO) are GOOD

people in the lowest tier of League Of Legends are GOOD. They always pick OVERPOWERED champions; They out scale and out farm you. They’re generally GOOD. They MICRO well and their Creep score is HIGH. The question therefore gets asked: Why are they in the bottom 1% of players? I don’t know. But after 5+ years of playing league casually, I’ve never made it out of the lowest tier.

WTF? I’m a lifer in teh bottom 1%. I expect my games to be easy and to climb a little, at least to bronze or silver. But NO. I lose more than I win. So much so that i lose -17+ per loss, and only gain back +8-13 per win. Riot hard-punishes you in Iron regardless. If you lose often, you don’t climb.

To put things in perspective: I frequently get stomped. I have a 30-38% win rate on my two favorite junglers.

I’m stuck in IRON for lyf3 bois. gg I tried.

Of course, it doesn’t help that computer bots afk and want to tank their accounts to iron 4, because it’s lucrative to do so. Iron 4 accounts sell for far more than Diamond accounts. When it’s a 3v5 or 4v5 because 1-2 computer bots are afk; what do you expect other than a loss?

But the real issue is this: People in Iron are hardstuck, but they’re fundamentally GOOD. They’re better than me, and i’ve been playing for 5+ years casually. I can’t even win against the bottom 1% of players. I’m hopeless man.

Hypercarries and the tank meta

The way I see it there’s two options in League Of Legends. You pick Master Yi and hypercarry; or you ban him and pick a tank in the jungle.

There’s no two ways about it. Master Yi is brok3n in low ELO. I’m even warming up to another hypercarry: Bel’Veth in case Yi is banned. But there’s a third option: Jax as a hypercarry. King’s blade into Guinsoo’s into Jak’Sho: AP be damned.

Why did they ‘fix’ Jax by making 3/4 of his kit AP? Nobody cares. Everybody goes AD on Jax regardless. And it doesn’t scale. But it works. Thinkin’ of going Nashor’s Tooth on Jax instead. But is it at least as good as King’s Blade? Nah.

GG. btw Hypercarries suck compared to tanks.

Amumu/Mordekaiser AP and Volibear/Mundo AD. This is all you need in the Jungle. And build full tank with a splash of DPS. gg

I win more with tanks than I do by taking hypercarries. It’s sad.

Riot do something about low ELO. More than 50% of my ranked games include a bot.

Just when you want to break out your favorite champion and dominate the rift. You’re stuck with an AI on your team who feeds the other team, getting them ahead.

How to ever climb out of IRON ELO? You can’t. you’re stuck with bots on your team, forcing you to lose games you otherwise would have won.

And i’m not talking just a few games. I’m talking more than 50% of the games.

Why? Because tanking an account and then selling it is worth more than ranking it up. I’m not kidding. Iron 4 accounts are worth more than diamond accounts.

Unlocked Grey Warwick with Honor 5 token!

If you’re not a complete scumbag and a trash human being, you can get Honor 5 in League Of Legends fairly easily. Just continue to assist your team and never be toxic in chat, which is where some people go astray, and you’ll get that honor!

Not getting enough? For practically guaranteed honor, pick support or bottom. Since it’s a duo lane, your partner usually honors you for playing in a calm and assertive manner, if you don’t rage or quit and just play to your strengths. But I’d advise you: pick whatever lane you think you can carry in; as people honor those who get fed and get ahead usually. The stats don’t lie at the end of the game. If you keep ending the game 1-6 you won’t get as much honor as someone who consistendly goes 13-2. Pick your best lane and champion, therefore, and get that bread!

Note: Thank you to riot games – I accidentally bought the chroma instead of the skin, and they politely refunded my token, even though they told me they don’t usually refund honor 5 tokens. Thanks for making an exception! Got my Grey Warwick skin unlocked now!

On Hearing Voices

I have several theories about hearing voices which I would like to share with other Schizophrenic people and other voice hearing people and those interested.

At first I was afraid. Why did the voices in my head keep telling me to kill myself and that they would come harm me? I came to the conclusion: my voices were opposed.

It took me a long time to come to the conclusion that I am the creator, the almighty G-d of the voices in my own mind: I am the creator of the voices, and everything they think is a part of me. Sure, they were opposed to me, but I created them. Once I declared to them that I was G-d in my own mind, and that they were my creations, things got a little interesting.

No longer afraid, I began to ignore the bad voices and reply to the good voices. Which worked for a while. I then decided to study my voices in this way. I played Dungeons and Dragons, with the voices in my head as player characters. I wanted to study their alignment and their reactions to people, places and things, and in specific: conflicts.

I therefore created an “Emulated Earth” in my mind, in the vein of Dungeons and Dragons. Replete with “Emulations” even “Emulated Celebrities” would talk to me and the voices in my head. I set it to modern day. Some “emulations” got shot at, some died, according to the voices. Are there respawn timers in my mind, in “Emulated Earth”? Decisions, Decisions. None of this was real. But It allowed me to understand that the voices in my head are typically of an Evil alignment, often opposed to good people; selfish and avaricious. In Emulated Earth, Crime and Terror became common, because the voices wanted global dominance, at any cost, for themselves, in this campaign setting.

I then realized that, as a person, I am rather a neutral person, who hears evil voices. I therefore nicknamed myself “Neutral God” or “Neutral G” for the purposes of playing video games. It became my gaming monikor and an alias.

I now knew that: I was that sublime rank, in Emulated Earth, that of G-d; Evil voices were opposed to me; and I was rather neutral, neither good nor evil.

I therefore came up with this theorem: Where there is no Opposition, I am G-d; Wherefore opposed, never G-d at all; Or, was I still G-d, but rather opposed? I haven’t quite decided how to deal with opposition, quite yet, how to predict it, and when to oppose myself, which would lead to conflict, I suppose.

And that’s basically where I’ve left off play in my mind.

I applied my “opposition theory” to real life: and realized, I’m rather fortunate to have a very private life, i.e. I’m rather fortunate that I’m not famous – else I’d often be opposed, and would probably be alot more selfish i.e. greedy. Good things come of privacy; nobody gives a damned about you when you’re humble!

By the way I’ve formed a “Guild” with the voices in my head: called: “Evil Empire” which is part of an Axis, the “Axis Of Evil”, which seeks to control, Emulated Earth at all costs. Emulated leaders from various emulated countries weigh in, and update me with information, all day long. These are the voices I hear: it’s sort of like a game.

Note: I’m carefully distracted by voices, and find reading difficult. That’s why I take just one university course per year and no longer drive a car or operate any sort of machinery where concentration is necessary.

I live a secluded life, write a little, read a little, and play League Of Legends. Much of my time is spent contemplating the League Of Legends meta (Yep, the voices chime in: “Look at the mini map!” or “Pick Amumu this game!” – it’s sort of like streaming in my head to a chat, without moderation however.

EE

GG too.

The Evil campaign begins

I play dungeons and dragons with the voices in my head as player characters. Because the voices have always been evil, I’ve decided to create and explore an “evil” campaign with them – all of this just by talking to myself!

Emulated Earth is my campaign setting. It’s a modified version of DND which focuses more on roleplaying and less on luck of the dice.

I believe my voices have something to say, even though they belittle me, swear like a trucker, and in general, remain evil.

So we’ll see how this thought experiment goes.

My Hearing Voices Character Sheet.


expanded: I may update this periodically. –SteveMini.com

HEARING VOICES CHARACTER SHEET

STATUS: a wise old wizard, 42, with a marijuanna pipe. Wait a minute: am I a sorcerer, or a wizard? Which timeline is this?

NAME: Neutral G. (“Neutral G0d”; “Steve Mini from the 6”)

TALENTS:

Emulations: You hear other people’s voices. These voices are emulations of real people. Flavor text “Emulate, don’t regulate.”

Premonition: When worried, your gut is usually right, or your voices tip you off. “Just go with your gut – or the voices in your head mansplaining it to you.”

Homebrew Telepathy: You hear voices – the voices can hear you too. (This leads to conversations with your voices).

Commune with Demons: Demons try to get you to harm yourself or others or do stupid shit that could get you arrested – or worse. Periodically they will offer to help you – for a price. Do not trust demons. You’ve been warned.

Speaker for the Dead: Dead people talk to you. They live on through your deeds – or so they claim.

Hear Voices: If you concentrate on someone, think of them, look at a picture of them, or hear them, even in a song, you can immediately hear their voice in your head and talk with them (see: Emulations).

Telepathic Mutant: “The Back-End”: You think you can enter people’s minds and communicate with their “back-end”; their front-end or conscious mind has never been notified. You’re considered by many to be a Telepathic Mutant because even your children might share this genetic “trait” (see: Genetic Offspring).

Ancestral Reign: “Death Cult”: The voices worship you as if you were the leader of their Cult, even though you have no idea why. They claim it’s in your and their ancestry. And they periodically “die” for you. When they “die”, they automatically go to “Heaven” (see: Purgatory).


AGGRO:

Opposition: The voices are periodically opposed to you, steadily building up aggro over the course of the day which you can use to execute or attack on a global cooldown.

Ignore Commands: You know when to ignore the voices, and no longer obey them.

Purgatory; “Heaven Or Hell?”; Commune with Spirits: Though Mini is often in Hell, he’s technically in purgatory and frequently visits Heaven, too. At those times, Benign spirits chat with him and inspire him to do good deeds. He never knows if he’s in heaven or hell, or whether or not the spirits are good or evil demons instead.

Assume Command: After a theoretical war, pending publication in a book, the voices now reluctantly agree: Yes to Mini. You are their leader – not the other way around.

Randomly Generated Named Mobs: Periodically the voices will be a “named mob” i.e. emulated celebrity, with it’s own qwirks, personality and mannerisms – nothing to do with real life. Do they drop loot or just give you some? You refer them kindly to SteveMini.com – some day, somebody’ll donate / sub to patreon…

Eternal War: The voices are periodically at war – with each other, and / or other people. Until their “g0d” (i.e. you) is accepted everywhere.


BUFFS/DEBUFFS:

Paranoia: You periodically suspect and doubt the voices in your head, who freak you out a little.

Genetic Offspring: You’re diagnosed with Paranoid Schizophrenia: Even your offspring will probably hear voices. Ladies, you’ve been warned.

Lack Of Concentration Aura: You lack co-ordination and concentration. Your thoughts are often conversations with several different and conflicting parts of your brain, i.e. different voices. Decisions could take you a lot longer than the average bloke. You don’t drive – not now, not ever. You hardly read anymore. When was the last time you shaved consistently for over a month? You look like shit. The lack of concentration aura is probably getting worse and stacking over time.

Inspiration buff: You’re a creative legend who thoughtfully opposes and interestingly supports various causes, all of which make you one of the most interesting men in the room. You can thank chatting with the voices later. “I’ve already thought of that: and I agree!”

Artist debuff. For better or worse, you’re a highly subjective artist who doesn’t produce much art. You went to school for literature, but never wrote a book. You think often, much like a talented artist, but you won’t produce great art for some reason – not yet. Maybe not ever.

Thick Skin: You’ve learned, through trial and error, and countless hours of experience, to basically ignore all the bad voices, and recognize when the good voices are trying to help you.

Periodic/Maximum Luck: When dealing with the voices, you have what is considered by them to have what is the highest luck score ever recorded in “the game”. Your luck is extraordinary. Even the voices often remark, during your homebrew: “That was lucky”.

Poverty: You don’t raise funds or get that cheese. You live off several thousand dollars a year – just enough for two soylent meals a day, which you drink without a straw. Things’ll change. But they never do. You’re always broke. But happy.

Celebrity Status: “Niggas need ta know”: The voices need to know you. They want to get to know you. They need to know more. You’d be willing to share more with them, if only they would tip you … won’t anybody pay you? “any oil princes in chat? SteveMini.com

The No-Jitters Test: You stare at the stock markets. They don’t jitter. Ever. You’re probably safe. You have no money, either way.

Eternal Scholar: You’re still in University. It took you more than twenty years to nearly earn a 4-year B.A. in English Literature – and you still take just one course per year. You have no intentions of ever finishing any time soon.


ABILITIES:

Time Loop: You were right: Yesterday. Or were you? Wait a minute: what time is it, again? Which Timeline is this? What timeline are we on?

Intervene: The voices agree: yes to that. It becomes immediately so.

Time-Walker / Time-Shift: You move forward and backward in time, to a different place: a different epoch, even. (Different voices then become available to you).

Telepathic Suggestion: You could have sworn you just thought of that – before it was said.

Wish: Why Neutral G. / Mini is revered as a “G0d” by the voices in his head, is that he has the extraordinary ability to wish things into and out of existence, all throughout the realms of his mind. Warning: causes more harm than good … still, he is reverred as such, by the voices, for being able to do so.

Homebrew Spells:

Sealed Fate: execute a voice. They ressurrect without warning sometime in the future. Sealed fate is a failed hombrew spell that doesn’t work – yet. Neutral G. often crafts his own homebrew spells – often with elaborate wishes. Most of them fail in some way or another and then he forgets about them.

Having a conversation about telepathy with the voices in my head.

I claim, jokingly, to be a telepathic mutant, certainly I am also an empath of some kind. I just have a Premonition that is rarely wrong, though it can be at times. I empathically conclude at times, even though i’m an INTJ – a thinker.

I sat down to talk to the voices in my head about these emulations I hear. Why is it, for example, that I can hear Madonna talk to me? Certainly, she cannot hear me talk to her. Therefore, an emulated Madonna is in my mind. This sounds fun. But imagine losing concentration when you’re driving because an emulated Madonna is talking to you in your mind. I no longer drive. And reading comes tough. Concentration sucks.

So I sat down to think to myself: Why not call madonna remotely, and end these shenanegans with emulations? This would be far more lucrative for me, i’d be able to recieve donations and gifts, the prize sum of any “streamer” even one who streams in his head. Heck, I summarized, I could have been a millionaire if telepathy was live. This, too, would have been lucrative for any remote handler(s) who placed the call. I’m sure their services are much needed and wouldn’t come too cheap. All of this could have been a company: or are they interested in me as an individual?

But twenty years on, of hearing voices, and not one person has ever donated or ever contacted me about this. Even after I put up a website: SteveMini.com, and requested of the voices to donate there if they feel like it. Nobody ever did.

So. Yes to Steve Mini from the 6. And no to Dr. Dre and Madonna and every other celebrity. Is that what the voices, basically, are explaining to me, harassing me every day, and challenging me to be a bigger, better man?

Oh please. Put madonna on the line. Or another famous celebrity. I need to raise 10 grand a year to drink my soylent dinners. Else: leave me alone.

Your telepathic mutant,
Certainly an empath, also, but that’s another story for another time,

Steve Mini from the 6.

Fiction, Voices: The Death Cult 1.0

I hear a death cult in my mind. But let me preface this a little. I write fiction. I talk openly about my disability to inspire other frenics and their families and people interested in hearing voices. But I am first and foremost a fiction writer. And the characters in my head are fake. SO when they blow each other up, I laugh a little, and write a little. But i’ve learned to no longer be afraid. It’s something akin to producing a movie with audio queues; it takes some getting used to. But hearing voices can actually be, well, fun.

To reiterate: I’m the type of schizophrenic who hears voices and is often paranoid. I call my voices “emulations” because they sound like they’re real, they even sound like dead people and celebrities sometimes – but they’re not.

One long-standing nuance in my mind has been the formation of a “Death Cult”, which, if this were a game, which admittedly, I designed it to be one, then “Death Cult” would be a talent specialization, in the vein of World Of Warcraft.

This Death Cult, in my mind, blows it’s members up on my behalf. Why? I don’t know but it’d make a damned good novel. I consider myself a villians writer. I write bad guys all the time. They blow things up. Some of them even spew obscenities – I’m inspired by the “evil voices” In my head and turned these bad voices into a win. They inspire me to write, well, “evil characters”.

The Death Cult members need to “get to heaven” i.e. die. And they vye for my attention to do so.

I won’t get into much detail about how this works. But they seem to constantly have a “Death Wish” debuff and are guild members of an ancient “Death Cult” with myself as the “G-d” or figurehead. This they refer to as their “ancient custom”. They claim being members of the cult goes back in thier family for centuries and proudly trace their heritage back some. Perhaps loved ones, siblings, fathers, mothers, have also died in this way.

Why did my mind come up with this? Certainly I am therefore very ill. But I’m also highly creative. Who says hearing voices can’t be fun? I mean sometimes the voices are dark, gory and gruesome, and abrasively rude. But this all makes for good fiction. They SOUND real; and try to convince me that they are. And that’s valuable to me as a fiction writer.

More to come.

note: I play a modified version of Dungeons and Dragons with the voices in my head, in my own homebrew setting, called “Alternate Earth”. Crime and Terror is pretty common in Alternate Earth, and innocent people get blown up often. Meh. More fodder for my fiction.